ABORTED DREAMS

She tried to deny the adage that everything happens for a purpose. Here she was her graduation so close. She felt her stomach bulging slightly bigger than the previous day. Soon it would be common knowledge that she was expectant, no, pregnant. Expectant is rather too formal. She cringed at the thought of jeers from her peers; something that made her thinks that it wasn’t real. It wasn’t her and she would do anything to get rid of it. Whatever it takes the baby will not see this world.

Her name is Becky.

She isn’t any ordinary girl. Men ogle at her wherever she goes. Her behind has caused many accidents than alcohol. In fact the slogan should be changed to ‘don’t drive behind Becky.  Its looks plastic, it looks real, it looks extraordinary. Her face too is an epitome of beauty−everything about her is measured to perfection− her nose, her eyes, her lips are all what a real woman should look like.

But behind her beauty, misery is hidden. Underneath her charming smile there is pain. She gallantly conceals all of it behind her gracious walk, her toe length flowery dress raising dust as she struts along the dusty road. She is heading to her uncle’s place. He takes care of her needs. Her parents are too old to fend for her. All her siblings are drunkards, thus bequeathing the burden of her educational needs to her maternal uncle. And the good old man has been doing this for quite a while now. He is to be eased of the burden soon since Becky is four months away from clearing her university education.

Becky’s mind weighed all the options of her life and she couldn’t bring herself to disappointing her uncle. The unborn baby seemed to have heard her thoughts for she felt it move. Her mind seemed address it;

“Sorry you have be null sooner than today. I have heard plenty of stories about the consequences and I think am more than ready to face any of it. Am sorry I have been promiscuous and don’t even know your dad. The three of them denied me at the instant I told them I was expecting you. I know you know what I go through daily; you are always part of me. I’m sorry for this. I’m sorry for denying you the chance to see this world. I’m sorry you won’t see any sunshine in your world.

I think am saving you the evil that is rampant over this world. Terrorism is the norm, politicians taking us for a ride. Recently they launched a standard gauge railway. You wouldn’t have seen it because greed has robbed us the sense to judge good from bad……” her thoughts went on until she came to a familiar ground, the meeting point of her and her boyfriends. She sprung from her reverie and straight into reality. She was a few metres past her uncle’s abode.

She turned back and walked slowly. A numbing feeling took over her. Why did she have to think of such a thing? She asked herself again and again, each time failing to come up an answer. Everything seemed to justify her decision to abort. A cloud of regret would occasionally engulf her. She regretted for being too greedy. She wanted to live a life beyond her means without working for it. All the men who approached her managed to get all of her provided he had some money to spend. It didn’t take long before she realized that one wasn’t enough. She felt the need to be loved transcend all things. That seemed a wrong decision. The man she loved couldn’t be able to provide for her and she settled for three, each with a role to play. She fulfilled lustful desires f two of them and filled love for the other. And that’s how she became pregnant.

All of them fled when they heard the news. She should have lied to them then go a far off place where they could send some cash for her upkeep, without the knowledge of the existence of  a baby. But that wouldn’t be possible with her uncle taking care of her educational needs. She couldn’t afford to disappoint him at homestretch. This made her think it was the right decision to abort.

She knocked at the black metallic gate with fancy design at the top. There was no response. She knocked again. She knocked and pushed at the same time. It hadn’t been locked as it usually was. The watchman wasn’t there either. She walked carefully on the concrete pavement hoping her uncle was around. Being a Saturday, she expected him to be at home. She looked around and saw his car packed, the watchman appeared around it with a bucket full of water, a sign that had she delayed a few minutes she couldn’t have found him.

Before she could reach the door to his bungalow, he emerged dressed in a well pressed black suit. A white shirt shone underneath and black shoes complemented him burly frame. He greeted her and told her that he had some important business to attend to. He knew what she wanted and reached his brown leather wallet. He removed a bunch of notes then counted three of them and handed them to her. The rest he slipped into his wallet without looking at her. She was invisible for a while but not when he disappeared into his Mercedes, he waved good bye and drove off.

She watched the sleek car recede as the old watchman closed the gate. She paced up and down before going away. Her aunt and cousins were home but she felt like being alone for a while.  Her hands were sweaty due the nervousness that had gripped her. She felt all she had lived for disintegrate in her hands into nothingness, beyond the point of being salvaged. Her eyes were itchy owing to the tears building up without an outlet. She didn’t want to cry. It wasn’t prudent of her. She had made up her mind and nothing could stop her.

Becky writhed in pain. Blood was all over her room. She lived in the ladies’ hostel with two of her friends who were not around. It was a weekend and they were all out, perhaps with their boyfriends or wherever they could find fun. She bled alone, all her sheets were soaked with blood. She stared at death and she was gallant enough to see through her last moments without letting out a cry of help. All the dreams she carried accompanied her to the underworld.